so on the twelveth day of...that spelling cant be right haha. is it. oh well even my uncertainty is a clear indication that my once upon a time ability to school all you motha brothers in a little competition amongst friends known as 'the bee' has lost its juice. but gawd i was the spelling champ. own it. haha
anywhichway- where or where to begin. i think its goes without saying or saying.... im back in full effect. probably worse. it has been so long since ive a-been compelled to sit down and write, b- been able to sit down and focus my minds enormous channel of thought. the remote vanished.
maybe my moms ahem quick wit rubbed off on me when i went home. sikeeeee. maybe she slash home slash its west virginia resurrected the smartass wit spittin word kickin hittin flippin. yeah no good. what can i say: winter sabbatical.
when in doubt blame it on the rainnnnnn oh oh. oh the relentless cycle of the seasons. go earth. this year i get to garden.
nice last spring i was looking forward to the worlds longest slip n slide this year tomatoes and sunflowers.
bitchin.
if you havent caught on yet it is now 2010. dun dun daaaaaaa
present day and time
insert the tik tick tick tick from an episode of 24 for dramatic effect
march 13 5:31 AM
what dude. yes its a saturday. but really, are you the least bit surprised. h e double ll no.
i am trying so hard not to go off into tangents of the rambling thought in my head right now,
thats been todays primary goal. FOCUS, train your mind. it has to be done. i cant take it anymore. more to come. too much for my morning....especially after yesterday.
back to back to back to back consumption of me by others. im not complaining. i just need my alone time.
either i have a severely severe case of only child syndrome and/or am i a huge lone ride or die kid orrrrrrr i just really love myself that much. lol. that was kind of a joke, more sarcastic. maybe it was narcissistic. blah blah. probably.
forest. aj equals fun. real time with ellie and jordan. haha. love it. my old soul drop dead gorgeous little itty bitty kk. the plethora of modesty we will call salzbra. i dont even know what to say about cole today. wow. holy mood storm. the way he is most of the time could literally clear a room. it pretty much does every time. tonight was ridiculous. then there was the ghost of bad decision makings past and his incessant drunk texting. i mean im honestly indifferent to the situation its just kind of nervy for lack of a better word. like really do you think you possess some kind of special charisma that wipes all the douche you embody from the surface. aaaaaant. wrong. we will see. this week has been kind of overwhelming.
im surprisingly calm and pretty clear headed. i feel like my old self again.
although professionally im not really sure where im at in my head. lackluster is all that comes to mind when i only even begin to attempt to describe it.
as for the ruiner of lives. yeah hes still a small fragment of my life i guess. if you can call the little dialogue we do have actual communication. when a person still does the same sucky things hes always done over and over and over again though its pretty easy to throw up the my give a damns busted card and emotionally check out - and thats what i call over-reaching,
he told me today....well he messaged me and i was in the shower. he said something to the degree of these are my last words to you- be he threw a fit i wasnt responding. god forbid i dont sit on my laptop and wait to talk to him. holy might as well get suicidal yeah right. he said- get f*cked,
we will end this for now on that note. get f*cked. im dying to know what that says ab him as a person. on all levels of the psychiatric spectrum.
much more to come today. im just incredibly bored of typing and being on the computer. time to exercise. 3 boxes of icecream. paaaaaaahaha.
over and out. VIVERE. mount up.
wiley out xo
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